Growing Pains

Even though it’s been a while, I do remember what it’s like to be 19. I was in college, living by my own rules. I did what I wanted, when I wanted without any road blocks….until I would go home for breaks. After living for months by my rules, I was subject once again to my parents’ rules. I had to let them know where I was, what time I’d be home, and that didn’t sit well with my newly found and loved college freedom. In fact, I only spent one summer at home when I was in college. Rather than return home to rules, I stayed at school, worked and supported myself during those breaks.

Fast forward 30 years. We have a 19 year old college student who has enjoyed his away-at-college freedom. The Christmas break is the longest he’s been home since going away to school and everyone is having some growing pains, especially when it comes to navigating his desire for complete freedom, and our need to have some semblance of rules.

This game of tug-of-war doesn’t surprise me.

He’s old enough to vote and join the military, but I still worry about him. I worry about him getting into a car accident every time he leaves the house. I worry that one wrong decision will be life-impacting. I worry that his heart will get broken or that he will break mine.

It’s hard to let go.

We don’t know everything he does or every decision he makes while he’s away from us at school. We hope and pray that we have laid the foundation for good decision making and responsible behavior.

Being away at school has allowed him to manage freedom and balance what he wants to do verses what he needs to do. Coming home allows him to touch base with the values we spent 18 years instilling. He may not like being reminded that he still answers to us, but it’s part of the process and part of the growing pains of him breaking free and us letting him.